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More of Me
Back to the Future
October 12, 2006
Would the 7 year old me before approve of the person I have become? Would the 7 year old Asereth recognize me now? Would she be proud or be downright disappointed? Back then, I had my ideals, values, aspirations and dreams. Have I kept my ideals and values? Or have they been severely compromised? Have I reached my aspirations and dreams? Or have they turned into dust — drastically changed? If my younger self met me now, what would she think of me? What would she say to me? What would I say to her? Would I warn her of future disappointments, hurts, failures and such? What advices would I give her? So many questions but unrealistically going to happen. But just what if the improbable happens. What would the transcript of the conversation be?
I am not meant to drive, I’m meant to be driven
October 11, 2006
I'm in limbo. I know where I came from. I know where I am. I just don't know where I am going. All my life, I've known I'm not good with directions but this is appalling. When you are the driver, you have all the opportunity to drive the car anywhere you like. You can even bang the car directly to a wall if you want to. But what if you don't know where you want to go? I know I can't just stand still for I will be causing traffic. So I am just driving aimlessly, steering to anywhere the road may lead. But am I not just wasting fuel, driving around with nowhere to go? But as they say, life is a journey not a destination.
Depressingly Lazy
October 10, 2006
I'm depressed. I have no motivation in doing anything. I'm always tired and lethargic. I just want to lie down in bed and rest. Hmmmm…. To be honest, I might not be depressed because I am also innately lazy. I might just be plain old lazy because the feelings I just described also tell of my Juan Tamad attitude. I have this habit of resting first even if I am not yet tired (sometimes, I haven't even started yet). Though technically, I do have a valid reason to be depressed. But I'm not sure if my depression is just masquerading my laziness or it is the other way around. They say depression is unchanneled anger. It is anger turned inward. Instead of expressing it, we internalize it turning it to burdened hurt and guilt. Gosh, this is hard —- psycho-analyzing oneself <sigh>.
Into the light
October 9, 2006
Decisions. Decisions. Decisions. We all have to make decisions everyday of our lives. To the mundane : What am I gonna eat? How long will I take my shower? And to the huge ones : Am I gonna accept the job offer? Will I forgive him again? For the important decisions we have to make, we must consider the outcome of our choice — on how it will adversely affect our lives and the lives of other people as well. We must consider the repercussions of our decision. If there is anything I've learned in making critical decisions, it is to never make them at night. Yup, you read it right —- never make life-altering decisions during night time. Why? Because at night, it would seem as if there is no tomorrow — you are just living for the moment. What you see in the dark will look different in the light. I think that's why most of the "bad" things happen in the hours of darkness —– robberies, murder, suicide, conception of unwanted pregnancies, drug use, etc.
Don’t shoot the messenger
October 4, 2006
I shun being the bearer of bad news. Given the choice, I'd rather deliver good news. I like making people happy even if I'm just the messenger. Recently, I reluctantly became an expert in breaking bad (and shocking) news to people I know and to people I've met for the first time. Name it, I've done it through all mediums : in person, through text, in a phone call, using email and what have you. Through all these, I've learned that it requires tact, sensitivity, a careful choice of words and a good reading of the personality of the receiver to relay such message. With strangers, you just have to wing it and go with your gut. So far, nobody has gone berserk on me. So, to all the people who needs to deliver bad news, please DON'T look at me ——– I've had more than enough to last me a lifetime.