Because of You

My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with………." That's my fave line in the song "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson. It's a very poignant song. It's a love song of sorts. It's about a lady whose outlook and decisions in life are greatly influenced by what she witnessed when see was young. Growing up, she saw how her mother was greatly devastated every time she experienced a heartache. Because of this, she made a decision that it wouldn't happen to her. She's afraid of getting hurt. She developed trust issues. She tried to hold her back her love in relationships — not giving her all. Of course, the inevitable happened. Even with the "walls" she put up, she still experienced heartaches but maybe for different reasons (of her own doing). How ironic. 

Everybody has the right to get mad but nobody has the right to be cruel

That's right. Everybody has the right to be pissed off, get angry and even be furious when the situation calls for it. If somebody offends or irritates you, you have every right to feel negative about the situation. But you have no right to be cruel. You must not willfully or knowingly cause pain or distress to the offender (nor to the innocent bystanders, for that matter) so that you could just vent your anger. You must not be ruthless just to get some vengeful satisfaction. I know, it is human nature. It is our first instinct. But we should curb that instinct — think before we act. For in a moment of heated passion, we might do or say something we will forever regret.

Wrong Expectations

When I tell someone something serious and personal about myself, I expect it to be treated as such.

I don't expect it to be used against me, thrown back at my face.

I don't expect it to be treated as a joke — used in a supposedly amusing anecdote.

I don't expect it to be told to every Tom, Dick and Harry that passes by.

Sad to say that is not always the case. Maybe it's my fault because I did not lay the ground rules before baring my soul.

But c'mon, we are all adults here. We know where to draw the line.

I guess I was expecting too much and assumed everybody knows when to use discretion =o(

Functional Emotional Wreck

Grief strikes me at the most unexpected places. If I can mask it, I let the tears flow. But if it would put me in a very embarrassing situation, I do my damnest to stop them. I tell you, it is not an easy task. Sometimes, people would catch me numbly staring into space. I really have to get a grip. But to my credit, all my other faculties are fine. I can still work efficiently and make good judgment. In short, I am a functional emotional wreck. No, I'm not crazy — just broken. I can sometimes force myself to be happy but I miss effortlessly feeling the sense of joy (there's a difference). I guess it'll take time before things go back to normal.

Emotional Vampire

Count Dracula. First word that I associate with it is vampire. A vampire is a mythical creature (or otherwise, depending on who talk to) who kills people by sucking all their blood. I know of a vampire who is not fabled but a real person. But this one is an emotional vampire. An emotional vampire is a person who drains out all your emotions or energy. They "feed on you" emotionally in a desperate attempt to build up their own reserves of emotional strength. It could be a relative, friend or colleague. These people are hard to put up with because they are so negative (pessimistic) on all things, are major drama queens and/or are just too clingy. It is hard to be with them because it requires too much effort emotionally. So, when I say emotional vampire — who is the first person that pops in your mind? =oP