Dearly Departed

Daddy, Nanan, Edgar, Tessa, Arlene, Lola Trining, Lola Tuning, Lolo Roque, Lolo Menting —- these are some people who are (take note of the tense) close to my heart but have passed away. It hurt when they died — in fact, I'm still hurting…. so much….

We all make mistakes

When I see a friend committing a mistake or is in the process of ruining his life, I feel compelled to stop him. I need to talk to him to show him the error of his ways. I lay it out all on the line. I show him the bigger picture. I give him a different perspective of things. I show him the (would be) repercussions of his actions. I give a different perspective of the matter. I do my best to convince or persuade him to stop. But ultimately, it is HIS decision to make. I cannot force him to do something he doesn't like. We all make mistakes. And sometimes, we have to commit our OWN mistakes to learn, to grow, to prosper. Though, it breaks my heart to see him destroying his life, I cannot support what he is doing. He will always be my friend, but I cannot condone what he is doing.

ThoughtFULL Me

I think about a lot of things. From problems, issues, ideas and what have you's. It can be about personal stuff, politics, religion, fashion, science, etc. It could be about the past, present, what could have beens and dreams for the future. I think, I think too much. Doing what I'm doing could drive a normal person insane. But hey, I never said I was one (cheeky). Thinking is a form of brain exercise for me (not that I don't have much of it at work). That's why I am neither bored nor lonely when I am alone. It gives me something to do, or think in this case. That's why I enjoy my own company. Don't get me wrong, I like being with my family, friends and others. But I also need my "alone" time.

But at times, some thoughts keep popping in my head that I don't want to think about because it brings me pain, too much confusion or the thoughts are just downright bad. I wish I could just erase them or altogether forget about them. But that's not possible, they wouldn't let me. They haunt me. Until I realized it wasn't my brain thinking — it was my conscience talking.

I’m not fat, I’m sick

I used to have Grave's Disease. It's a type of hyperthyroidism, in layman's term: goiter. It's symptoms consist of excessive sweating, hand tremors, irritability, heat sensitivity, bulging of the eyes, lighter menstrual flow, swelling of the neck and rapid heart beat. But for me, it's redeeming symptom is weight loss — without dieting (sorry girls, it's not contagious). Yup, it does that because goiter increases one's rate of metabolism which is the rate at which the body uses energy, ergo, weight loss.

Because of You

My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with………." That's my fave line in the song "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson. It's a very poignant song. It's a love song of sorts. It's about a lady whose outlook and decisions in life are greatly influenced by what she witnessed when see was young. Growing up, she saw how her mother was greatly devastated every time she experienced a heartache. Because of this, she made a decision that it wouldn't happen to her. She's afraid of getting hurt. She developed trust issues. She tried to hold her back her love in relationships — not giving her all. Of course, the inevitable happened. Even with the "walls" she put up, she still experienced heartaches but maybe for different reasons (of her own doing). How ironic.