Absolutely Relative

When we were young, everything was quite simple and straight forward. Right was right, wrong was wrong. Black was black, white was white. No in betweens, you are either 0 or 1. But as we grow older, we've learned that life is not that easy. We learned that there are a lot of numbers between 0 and 1 —- 0.001, 0.25, 0.5, et al. That between black and white there is this grayish color which just has too many shades. Doing the good thing is not necessarily right and doing the bad thing is not necessarily wrong. How could have things gotten so complicated? I guess we've learned that things could be relative. But relative to what? To what society considers absolute? But one man's trash is another man's treasure. So it's a matter of perspective. <Sigh>…This is so hard, it's like Einstein's theory of relativity. What I really just wanted to say is I wish life is not that complicated.

A vicious cycle

I'm bored. Not because I have nothing to do. Quite the contrary, I have a ton of things to do. I just have no motivation in doing them. I don't know why. Maybe I'm not really bored but more so on being lazy. Yup, I think that's it. That's a more honest assessment of my situation right now. I feel lazy. I don't want to do anything. I just want to lie in bed and do nothing. Not really nothing. I want to lie in bed and sleep. Or I could lie in bed reading a good book. Or maybe lie in bed watching a dvd or just watching tv. Or lie in bed talking to my friends on the phone. The key action is that I'm lying in bed, in case you didn't get it. Why am I so lazy? I don't know. I just want to rest even though I'm not yet that tired. I think I have too much time in my hands right now. I'm pondering on things that are not worth a dime. That's not true — not the part about pondering but the part of having too much time in my hands. Actually, I have a ton of things to do. I'm just not in the mood. I'm bored.

Survivor’s Guilt

Half a decade ago, I figured in a vehicular accident which caused the lives of two of my friends. Given the circumstances then, I should have died with them but I didn't. Why? To this day, I still don't know why I was given a reprieve and not them. Survivor's Guilt. It is a deep feeling of guilt often experienced by those who have survived some catastrophe that took the lives of many others. Do I have it? I'm not sure. I just hope and pray that I didn't survive at someone else's expense.

Sleeping Beauty

I don't get enough sleep during weekdays that's why I sometimes more than make up for it during weekends. I love to sleep specially if its cold and raining outside —– a typical bed weather. Believe it or not but I can sleep for more than 10 hours straight. One time, I slept for about 15 hours, that's because I had a rough couple of days prior. If I don't have my Zzzs, I get very cranky and irritable. But after a short nap, I'm good to go. Sleep not only gives my body it's much needed rest but it also refreshes my mind. After a good night's rest, I'm recharged ready to tackle the challenges for the day. When we sleep, I think our unconscious minds try to resolve our undealt issues. That's why sleep is important for both the mind and body. Before, I'd rather go hungry than to be without sleep. Now, I don't know. For I have also grown to love eating but that's another story =oP

Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional

I look young for my age. My being small (read : lacking in height) doesn't help. Some people say I'm childish but I prefer to be described as childlike. I don't have the stature nor the demeanor that commands respect. I'm a smiling person who gets along with almost everybody (specially with kids since we have the same mental age — hehehe). To some, being perceived as a young person in terms of age is a compliment and an advantage. And most of the time, it is. But sometimes, I wish…… well, not really (note : be careful of what you wish for coz you might just get it). I'm happy with the way I look (coz it could be worse) but I assure you, there is a lot (and I do mean A LOT) of room for improvement. Some people say, I should be more refined so that people would take me more seriously. But I don't want to. I like myself. I don't want to change my personality so that people would say I'm mature. Besides, maturity is not defined as being reserved. Maturity, for me, is being able to handle a given situation responsibly. And I'd like to think that I do.

So, to those people who say I look young : thank you (complete with a curtsy)

And to the people who say I should act my age : tough! (get in touch with your inner child)