Say my name

I noticed that saying thank you through text and instant messages comes off differently when you say the person’s name.  I recently received two thank-you text messages. One has my name on it (i.e. Thanks, Asereth) and the other just plain old “Thanks!”  Guess which came off more sincere in my book? The former rather than the latter. Of course, I may be wrong here cause I’m only talking about perception.

Just saying “thanks” seems so perfunctory.  It sounds so automatic like a knee-jerk reaction. It comes off like it was done because it was the polite thing to do. But adding the recipient’s name gives it more warmth. Like the sender is really appreciating what you did and is going the extra mile to show he/she is indeed grateful.

You might say I’m being too judgmental here and am reading too much on a simple text message (why don’t just I graciously accept the gratitude and move on?) You may be right but I’m also guilty of this (maybe that’s why).

210/130

That was my blood pressure reading last Friday. My highest. Ever. No worries, as I am writing this shows proof I am still alive and kicking. No, I’m not currently (or was) confined in the hospital. But I have to admit I was rushed to the emergency room. Nope, the good doctor in the ER did not recommend I take “maintenance” meds after she released me.  For the nth time, I have white coat syndrome.

White coat syndrome is a phenomenon in which patients exhibit elevated blood pressure in a clinical setting but not in other settings. In most cases, they only show higher blood pressure when at a doctor’s office, but in other places, the blood pressure will drop back to normal. It is believed that this is brought about anxiety/stress. Yes, poor little old me has it just like my beloved aunt on my mother side. I sometimes joke about it as a performance anxiety when it comes to blood pressure reading. Talk about being psychosomatic. hehehehe…..

That Friday started with me waking up with colds and cough. I decided to come in the office after lunch to give my body some time to rest. When I arrived in the office, I developed a splitting headache. I went to our “skeletal” Medical department to get some meds for it.  Following SOP, the nurse took my bp. As expected, due to the pounding inside my head and empty stomach coupled with my ever faithful white coat syndrome, my bp shot up. And that’s where the drama started. The nurse (who was a newbie) told me my diastolic could not even pass for a normal systolic.  Told her I had white coat syndrome & that just last week my doctor gave me a clean bill of health (except for my cholesterol which is still a little bit elevated) but it fell deaf on her ears and told me to lie down & rest. I told her for my bp to normalize I have to be in my “usual” environment (read:  me working in front of my pc) but she didn’t even want me out of her sight. To make the long story short I let her bring me to the hospital.

You’d think being in the hospital would allay my anxiety.  Guess again. Things just got worse. And I’m not talking about my headache, cough and colds.  My headache was gone due to the paracetamol given to me by our company nurse prior. I think I still had colds and cough but I didn’t notice them. All I was thinking was that I’m in the ER again as a patient. Crap. Whether as a patient, companion or visitor, emergency rooms hold no fond memories for me.

By now, it was my heart which was starting to pound. My hands were cold and clammy. And they told me my face was becoming paler by the minute. Believe when I say, I really don’t know what was causing these symptoms. I re-told my story to ER doctor. She and the rest of the doctors kept telling me to calm down. For crying out loud, I was calm, it was my body that was betraying me. Or maybe it was the stress that was overriding things. I was so infuriated with myself that the thought of learning yoga passed through my mind.

The doctors were so concerned that they asked me to some “exercises” — walk using baby steps in a straight line, hold my arms up, down & sideways, touch different parts of my face using a finger, etc. I felt so stupid I wanted to shout at them to please stop making me look like an idiot by performing these “stroke” tests but of course, I kept my mouth shut and just humoured them. When they were assured I still had all my faculties, they started strapping an I.V. on my left hand. What the  —— are you they gonna confine me? My heart was then palpitating. The doctor told me she was going to give me some meds that are injectable hence the I.V. <insert sigh of relief here> Please be still my (fast-paced) beating heart.

They injected me something for antacid. When they asked before if I felt any more discomfort, I said I could taste something bitter on my throat every time I swallowed and that I kept burping. I regarded these symptoms inconsequential but it played a big part on their final diagnosis. After injecting me something for my stomach, they immediately started shooting me up with something else. I could see on the intern’s face that he didn’t want to tell me what was in it when I asked him. He eventually told me it was valium. But before I could ask him why, I started feeling whoozy then was knocked out. I was in dreamland for about an hour.

Upon waking up, they took my blood pressure. 120/80. Normal. It was then I realized that they gave me valium to calm my nerves down. The company nurse who was with me the whole ordeal (note to self:  buy her a gift) told me it was a good thing my bp was back to normal else I would have been strapped to an ECG machine and eventually confined.

Upon discharge, their diagnosis was Gastroesophageal Reflux Disorder (GERD) or in layman’s terms “heartburn”. Don’t be misled by the name, it has nothing to do with the heart. It has something to do with improper food digestion and acid in your stomach. Apparently, the symptoms of a heartburn mimics the symptoms of someone having a stroke. Oh yes, they also prescribed some anti-anxiety meds for me in case my white coat syndrome pops it ugly head again.

And just to prove it was that good for nothing syndrome that cause all this hoopla, after the hospital ordeal, I went back to office and worked some more. Then on that same Friday night, went to dinner with some friends to celebrate my “bodyguard’s” birthday by pigging out on sisig and crispy pata. =oP

Untitled Draft

Today’s a holiday —- Bonifacio’s Day to be exact. And it feels weird because it’s not a long weekend. I guess my mind been accustomed that whenever there’s a holiday, there’s going to be a long weekend (read: holiday economics). And to think just yesterday, I just came home from 4-day out of town vacation….. hehehehe…. Yup, been having itchy feet lately.  Don’t know why. Though promised myself I’m gonna stay put in the greater Manila area the whole month of December. That being said, I begged off being with my mom and relatives to a weeklong visit to the island of Mariin and Gatduke next week.

Sorry have to cut this short…. TBC….. or not…..

Surprise me not

Majority of the people I know love surprises. I don’t. Sorry for being a party pooper but I really don’t like it. I don’t like being blind sighted by something or someone. Maybe if I had an inkling or have thought of that possibility happening, it wouldn’t be that bad. But if that possibility didn’t even cross my mind, I would have a hard time coming to grips with it. Yes, whether good or bad. Nice surprises are great —- after the initial shock, that is. My mind has to first grasp the idea that it happened and come to terms with it then I would welcome it with open arms. Of course, I would have preferred that feelers were set-out prior to it happening.

Maybe my aversion to surprises comes from the fact that I don’t like change. I know —- the only thing constant in this world is change (such irony); for progress, change is inevitable. Yada, yada, yada…. I have already accepted those realities but it doesn’t mean I have to like them.

I don’t like my boat being rocked. I like things still and constant. It gives me a sense of security. It’s my comfort zone — my territory. When things don’t change, I know how things are, what will or can happen, who or what I can depend on. In short, I know how to deal. And when things change, even if it’s for the better, I have to adjust. Many new factors will be added to situation. I have to re-evaluate things, people and scenarios again. No, I’m not O.C though I think I have some “control” issues.

I admit, sometimes, I purposely bring about those changes into my life. But you can be assured I have already thought of the worst things that could happen. So if and when they do happen, I have no one to blame but myself and you can bet your bottom dollar I already have a back-up or escape plan. But most of the time, changes happen in my life because of outside forces I have no control over. And that’s where my biggest hurdle lies. I know the only thing I can do is to adapt, and I will. Just give me time.

Blessings Galore

Life is good  great.  When I think that it wouldn’t get any better than this (not because it can’t but because it would just be too much), it does.  Yes, it’s been raining (storm like) blessings once again —tangible and intangible.  I’d be a hypocrite if I say I don’t want it but I guess I’m just overwhelmed about it.  A lot more people I know deserve these more than me (read: mas mabait sila sakin) but God chose me instead. I don’t why but I’m uber thankful. I thought before that only one aspect of your life could be this wonderful and the rest would be so-so, if not drab. But time and again, I’ve been proven wrong. I’d be more than happy to be always way off mark on my pessimistic view on things.  =o)

Please don’t get me wrong — my life isn’t perfect, far from it. It’s not a bed of roses (hey, even those have thorns). I still have my issues, struggles and what-nots. But it’s just that everything is falling to its place. It’s hard to put into words; you have to be in my shoes to understand what I’m feeling right now. For the lack of a better term, I feel contented. Of course, I still have things to wish for and dreams to fulfil. I guess, I’m just happy with how things are right now. Not the giddy happy you want to jump up with joy and shout, though I think I did what when a certain windfall recently came my way…. hehehehe….. But right now, I’m happy in the sense that I have a sweet smile on my face,  a gratified disposition, and a extremely  thankful heart .