Say my name

I noticed that saying thank you through text and instant messages comes off differently when you say the person’s name.  I recently received two thank-you text messages. One has my name on it (i.e. Thanks, Asereth) and the other just plain old “Thanks!”  Guess which came off more sincere in my book? The former rather than the latter. Of course, I may be wrong here cause I’m only talking about perception.

Just saying “thanks” seems so perfunctory.  It sounds so automatic like a knee-jerk reaction. It comes off like it was done because it was the polite thing to do. But adding the recipient’s name gives it more warmth. Like the sender is really appreciating what you did and is going the extra mile to show he/she is indeed grateful.

You might say I’m being too judgmental here and am reading too much on a simple text message (why don’t just I graciously accept the gratitude and move on?) You may be right but I’m also guilty of this (maybe that’s why).

210/130

That was my blood pressure reading last Friday. My highest. Ever. No worries, as I am writing this shows proof I am still alive and kicking. No, I’m not currently (or was) confined in the hospital. But I have to admit I was rushed to the emergency room. Nope, the good doctor in the ER did not recommend I take “maintenance” meds after she released me.  For the nth time, I have white coat syndrome.

White coat syndrome is a phenomenon in which patients exhibit elevated blood pressure in a clinical setting but not in other settings. In most cases, they only show higher blood pressure when at a doctor’s office, but in other places, the blood pressure will drop back to normal. It is believed that this is brought about anxiety/stress. Yes, poor little old me has it just like my beloved aunt on my mother side. I sometimes joke about it as a performance anxiety when it comes to blood pressure reading. Talk about being psychosomatic. hehehehe…..

That Friday started with me waking up with colds and cough. I decided to come in the office after lunch to give my body some time to rest. When I arrived in the office, I developed a splitting headache. I went to our “skeletal” Medical department to get some meds for it.  Following SOP, the nurse took my bp. As expected, due to the pounding inside my head and empty stomach coupled with my ever faithful white coat syndrome, my bp shot up. And that’s where the drama started. The nurse (who was a newbie) told me my diastolic could not even pass for a normal systolic.  Told her I had white coat syndrome & that just last week my doctor gave me a clean bill of health (except for my cholesterol which is still a little bit elevated) but it fell deaf on her ears and told me to lie down & rest. I told her for my bp to normalize I have to be in my “usual” environment (read:  me working in front of my pc) but she didn’t even want me out of her sight. To make the long story short I let her bring me to the hospital.

You’d think being in the hospital would allay my anxiety.  Guess again. Things just got worse. And I’m not talking about my headache, cough and colds.  My headache was gone due to the paracetamol given to me by our company nurse prior. I think I still had colds and cough but I didn’t notice them. All I was thinking was that I’m in the ER again as a patient. Crap. Whether as a patient, companion or visitor, emergency rooms hold no fond memories for me.

By now, it was my heart which was starting to pound. My hands were cold and clammy. And they told me my face was becoming paler by the minute. Believe when I say, I really don’t know what was causing these symptoms. I re-told my story to ER doctor. She and the rest of the doctors kept telling me to calm down. For crying out loud, I was calm, it was my body that was betraying me. Or maybe it was the stress that was overriding things. I was so infuriated with myself that the thought of learning yoga passed through my mind.

The doctors were so concerned that they asked me to some “exercises” — walk using baby steps in a straight line, hold my arms up, down & sideways, touch different parts of my face using a finger, etc. I felt so stupid I wanted to shout at them to please stop making me look like an idiot by performing these “stroke” tests but of course, I kept my mouth shut and just humoured them. When they were assured I still had all my faculties, they started strapping an I.V. on my left hand. What the  —— are you they gonna confine me? My heart was then palpitating. The doctor told me she was going to give me some meds that are injectable hence the I.V. <insert sigh of relief here> Please be still my (fast-paced) beating heart.

They injected me something for antacid. When they asked before if I felt any more discomfort, I said I could taste something bitter on my throat every time I swallowed and that I kept burping. I regarded these symptoms inconsequential but it played a big part on their final diagnosis. After injecting me something for my stomach, they immediately started shooting me up with something else. I could see on the intern’s face that he didn’t want to tell me what was in it when I asked him. He eventually told me it was valium. But before I could ask him why, I started feeling whoozy then was knocked out. I was in dreamland for about an hour.

Upon waking up, they took my blood pressure. 120/80. Normal. It was then I realized that they gave me valium to calm my nerves down. The company nurse who was with me the whole ordeal (note to self:  buy her a gift) told me it was a good thing my bp was back to normal else I would have been strapped to an ECG machine and eventually confined.

Upon discharge, their diagnosis was Gastroesophageal Reflux Disorder (GERD) or in layman’s terms “heartburn”. Don’t be misled by the name, it has nothing to do with the heart. It has something to do with improper food digestion and acid in your stomach. Apparently, the symptoms of a heartburn mimics the symptoms of someone having a stroke. Oh yes, they also prescribed some anti-anxiety meds for me in case my white coat syndrome pops it ugly head again.

And just to prove it was that good for nothing syndrome that cause all this hoopla, after the hospital ordeal, I went back to office and worked some more. Then on that same Friday night, went to dinner with some friends to celebrate my “bodyguard’s” birthday by pigging out on sisig and crispy pata. =oP

Untitled Draft

Today’s a holiday —- Bonifacio’s Day to be exact. And it feels weird because it’s not a long weekend. I guess my mind been accustomed that whenever there’s a holiday, there’s going to be a long weekend (read: holiday economics). And to think just yesterday, I just came home from 4-day out of town vacation….. hehehehe…. Yup, been having itchy feet lately.  Don’t know why. Though promised myself I’m gonna stay put in the greater Manila area the whole month of December. That being said, I begged off being with my mom and relatives to a weeklong visit to the island of Mariin and Gatduke next week.

Sorry have to cut this short…. TBC….. or not…..

Surprise me not

Majority of the people I know love surprises. I don’t. Sorry for being a party pooper but I really don’t like it. I don’t like being blind sighted by something or someone. Maybe if I had an inkling or have thought of that possibility happening, it wouldn’t be that bad. But if that possibility didn’t even cross my mind, I would have a hard time coming to grips with it. Yes, whether good or bad. Nice surprises are great —- after the initial shock, that is. My mind has to first grasp the idea that it happened and come to terms with it then I would welcome it with open arms. Of course, I would have preferred that feelers were set-out prior to it happening.

Maybe my aversion to surprises comes from the fact that I don’t like change. I know —- the only thing constant in this world is change (such irony); for progress, change is inevitable. Yada, yada, yada…. I have already accepted those realities but it doesn’t mean I have to like them.

I don’t like my boat being rocked. I like things still and constant. It gives me a sense of security. It’s my comfort zone — my territory. When things don’t change, I know how things are, what will or can happen, who or what I can depend on. In short, I know how to deal. And when things change, even if it’s for the better, I have to adjust. Many new factors will be added to situation. I have to re-evaluate things, people and scenarios again. No, I’m not O.C though I think I have some “control” issues.

I admit, sometimes, I purposely bring about those changes into my life. But you can be assured I have already thought of the worst things that could happen. So if and when they do happen, I have no one to blame but myself and you can bet your bottom dollar I already have a back-up or escape plan. But most of the time, changes happen in my life because of outside forces I have no control over. And that’s where my biggest hurdle lies. I know the only thing I can do is to adapt, and I will. Just give me time.

Blessings Galore

Life is good  great.  When I think that it wouldn’t get any better than this (not because it can’t but because it would just be too much), it does.  Yes, it’s been raining (storm like) blessings once again —tangible and intangible.  I’d be a hypocrite if I say I don’t want it but I guess I’m just overwhelmed about it.  A lot more people I know deserve these more than me (read: mas mabait sila sakin) but God chose me instead. I don’t why but I’m uber thankful. I thought before that only one aspect of your life could be this wonderful and the rest would be so-so, if not drab. But time and again, I’ve been proven wrong. I’d be more than happy to be always way off mark on my pessimistic view on things.  =o)

Please don’t get me wrong — my life isn’t perfect, far from it. It’s not a bed of roses (hey, even those have thorns). I still have my issues, struggles and what-nots. But it’s just that everything is falling to its place. It’s hard to put into words; you have to be in my shoes to understand what I’m feeling right now. For the lack of a better term, I feel contented. Of course, I still have things to wish for and dreams to fulfil. I guess, I’m just happy with how things are right now. Not the giddy happy you want to jump up with joy and shout, though I think I did what when a certain windfall recently came my way…. hehehehe….. But right now, I’m happy in the sense that I have a sweet smile on my face,  a gratified disposition, and a extremely  thankful heart .

Stalker Storm

More than a couple of years back, I rode a plane with my family and there was a typhoon — it was signal number 1. The plane ride was just for an hour but it seemed longer because it was so bumpy due to all the air pockets. I didn’t fear for our lives but it was my first time to experience such a “turbulent” ride.

I’m like that?!

Last month, a friend of mine recommended that I watch the new TV series Necessary Roughness. When I asked what it was about, he said it was a very light version House (my thought : copycat) in the field of psychology (my thought : hmmm….interesting) related to sports (my thought: bummer). I don’t really enjoy watching sports. But since I wanted to be polite and he already gave me a dowloaded copy of the pilot episode, I watched it. It was ok —- amusing but nothing spectacular. A week later, he asked if I enjoyed watching it. I said yes, it was ok. I think he misunderstood my statement (or maybe I led him to believe that, I really don’t want to be rude) that he gave me his entire copy of the series. Another week has gone by, he asked me what episode was I already on. I apologized that I haven’t been watching it since I was busy watching Suits and Alphas (new series I realy liked!). His next statement got me hooked on Necessary Roughness: “Every time I watch it, the lead character always remind me of you.”  Whoa! You don’t get to drop a bomb a like that without me investigating it. So now, I’m my 11th episode….. hehehe… My thoughts while watching it: (1) I’m a bit like that….. (2) Ngek, I definitely don’t do that! (3) Hmmm…. he thinks I’m like that?!? The next time I see him I have to ask: Does she remind you of me because I look like her, act like her or think like her?

Buttgirl

If someone seriously (read: poker-faced) asks you if you are the model for the Kasama Coke Bottle billboard, would you consider that an insult or a compliment? 

Where the shoe pinches

So far, I’m consistent.

Boggle the mind

I used to follow this guy’s blog. I don’t know him from Adam and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know me. I stumbled upon his blog one night as I was surfing aimlessly in the web. His entries are not for the faint of heart. His blog is basically about life’s inner turmoils and pyschology. It’s like he’s hellbent in exposing the bad side of human nature. Think Dr. Gregory House’s blog but take away his humongous ego then double the dose of his cynicism and questionable sanity. This blogger doesn’t mince his words, sometimes to the point of being crass. He makes no apologies for his scathing views on the motives of man. Reading his articles (it could be quite lengthy at times) would really make you ponder on the darker side of life. On one entry, I’d question his mental state and then on another I’d be dumbfounded for his take on the thoughts of people who commit suicide. I remember while I was reading his entry regarding the “wiles of women”, I was so offended that if I knew him, I would have called him up right there and then and given him a piece of my “scheming mind”. I wanted tell him he was a mean old b@stard because he wasn’t much hugged as a child.

A little treat

Had an uber-stressful day? Want Need a massage but don’t have the time or can’t get booked in your fave spa. Try this shower massage to tide you over.

A couple of tips: Do this for only a few minutes, else you might turn into a prune. Don’t let the water fall on your head as it may result to hair loss.

Happy Anniversary

5 years, 60 months or 4380 days (well, technically it’s more). Wow! I didn’t expect it to last this long. I can still remember the day when our paths crossed. And now, we’ve been together for more than 360 blog entries. Thanks =o)

Booked In

I’m ashamed to admit it but it’s been a while since I read a book (of course, not counting the reference ones I have to read in the office). Nowadays, I’m more into watching downloaded TV series on my laptop. Maybe because I’m a visual person but I also have a very active imagination. Sometimes the movies adapated from books don’t do justice to what I envisioned in my mind while reading it.

When I was in grade school, I was always in the library gobbling up all the fairy tale story books I could get my hands on. During high school, I read a lot of romance novels. When I started earning my own money, I parted with my hard-earned dinero just to buy the best-sellers in the book store.

Nowadays, I think I lost my passion for reading books. I still read, of course ——– newspapers, magazines, blogs, etc, but not books. I now want to rekindle my desire in reading whether soft or hard bound books. Call me old-school but e-books don’t count (don’t ask me why, it’s just is).

Oh, I still be watching my series. They’re not mutually exclusive. To start-off my resolution, I’m currently reading “Heaven is for Real” by Todd Burpo. Next on my list : Game of Thrones and Before Even After. =o)

Assignments

I’m apparently the go to gal when the kids’ of my friends have homework and they can’t answer them. I solve the problem if it’s mathematical or logic related. I search the Net for information regarding an obscure object, person or event for a report. I once helped a child create a diorama because her mom was sick and we (take note of the pronoun) got a grade 98 for our efforts.

But when somebody needs me to be a resource speaker or needs me to be interviewed as an expert, that’s where I draw the line. You know me — I’d rather work in the background and not be the star. So I just introduced them to another friend who can be more helpful than me.

Shy may be one of the last adjectives that can used in describing me but I am, well, sort of. A few would say I’m good in public speaking. I once hosted an event in a hotel with an audience of around 300 —- but that was a favor for a friend in dire need (I wasn’t also in my right mind when I acquiesced) and it was ages ago. Now the spotlight scare the living daylights out of me. I’d rather be incognito, the wind beneath someone’s wings, someone who works behind the scenes.

But who know’s? I may revert back to my gregarious personality in my early 20s. Naaahh! While revival may be hip nowadays, some things are best left in the past.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth

It’s been raining blessings again. But this time, it’s been popping left and right like zits on an oily face (sorry for the mental image). I still haven’t fully grasp a mighty gift from the heavens when another unexpected manna comes along. Again….. and again…. and yet again….Not to sound ungrateful but sometimes it leaves me befuddled. Knowing my track record, I’d be the first to admit that I don’t deserve these.

Most people I know only question matters when the situation is going bad for them. Not me. I throw questions in the wind as to why all these good things keep happening when clearly other people deserve it more than me. But as someone said —- don’t question it, just accept it and be thankful. Of which I am, so much so that I am also humbled by it.

Inadequate but heartfelt : Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

9th Letter of the Alphabet

i don’t like to drink water ♣ i have a very good imagination ♣ i don’t like wearing white tops ♣ i love massages ♣ i can read lips ♣ i hate stairs ♣ i can play the piano ♣ i’m good at finding misplaced things* ♣ i have keloids ♣ i have pedicures but not manicures ♣ i can be a prudish at times ♣ i like witty humor with a hint of sarcasm ♣ i’m a procrastinator ♣ i don’t like carrying heavy objects ♣ i’m a night owl ♣ i hate long lines ♣ i like taking long hot showers ♣ i’m good at playing mahjong ♣ i don’t like wearing skirts or dresses ♣ i sometimes snore ♣ i have a secret mole ♣ i use my sunglasses as hairband ♣ i don’t like to drink hot beverages ♣ i’m a walking paradox

Your turn….

*sadly, not my own

Putting on my face

MAC Pressed Powder, MAC Lipstick, MAC Eyeliner and I’m ready to face (pun intended) the world. It’s really that simple.

But of course, it’s a different story if I’m trying to impress someone <wink> <wink> =o)

P.S. To the person who asked, sorry, don’t have twitter or facebook. I’m a social pariah… hehehe =oP

Outclassed

Just got my Annual Physical Examination (APE) results in the office and I was classified as a Class C. By DOH standards, I am “with abnormal findings generally not accepted for employment”. But it was redefined by the medical team as “employable but owing to certain impairments or conditions requires special placement or limited duty in a specified or selected assignment requiring follow-up treatment/periodic evaluation”. Quite a mouthful, right?

Scheming <beep>

Don’t you just hate it when people pretend to do things for altruistic reasons but in reality they do it for self-serving motives. They adopt a holier than thou attitude but they are really conniving sons of <beep>.

Before people start calling me a hypocrite, let me get things straight, I also do things for my own benefit. I can be quite self-centered and just do things that would make me happy (sometimes, regardless of consequences). You can be sure I’m no Mother Teresa. But I’m also not a scheming politician. I don’t have a public persona that is unblemished but away from the public eye, dirtier than a rag covered with grease and grime. I don’t go out spouting that what I’m doing is a form of sacrifice for the benefit of someone else but the truth it’s for some narcissistic reason.

I am now reminded of some House (tv series) episodes where the guest characters do things — like donate a kidney or tirelessly take care of a sick patient —– seemingly a benevolent act but truth of the matter is that they have their own selfish motives.

I’m not saying doing things for one own’s benefit is bad — that’s human nature. But to pretend and say it’s something otherwise, moreso the opposite and at the same time putting others in a bad light, is just plain deceitful in my book. Hmp!

The Mane Event

Chef. Check.
Baker. Check.
Bartender. Check.
Hairdresser. Check.

Of course, the ultimate test was the feedback from my loved ones and friends. And everyone loved it!. They couldn’t believe I hairstyled it myself (will wonders never cease). And apparently, liking my haircut and me offering to cut their hair is an entirely different matter =oP. I wasn’t even allowed a foot near my sister with scissors in hand. hehehehe…..But a kikay friend so liked it she told me I could cut hers. I didn’t know if she was just being polite or she really meant it but I didn’t follow up or follow through on that because if things go awry, there goes the friendship…….

I haven’t cut my hair (nor had it cut) since then. I’ve grown it long — longer than I’m used to. My hair is naturally wavy —– and with this style and length it’s become more pronounced. You wouldn’t believe the number of times people have asked me if I had a perm (”nagpakulot ka?“).  I guess I have to trim my hair to tame it. Styling it — aced it, trimming it — we’ll see….. =oP

Agree to Disagree

A new found friend and I got to into comfy conversation. We were getting along fine then came up the topic of having divorce in the Philippines. I was against it and he was for it. My spider sense was tingling — the mood will surely take a different turn any second now. Politics and religion are a definite no-no when discussing with people you barely know.

We learned a lot, resolved nothing but had a good time. Fistbump.

End of the World……NOT!

Last May 21, the world was supposed (supposed being the operative word) to end, according to Harold Camping. Of course, I didn’t believe it. But apparently it was newsworthy enough that his prophecy landed in the papers. And from what I’ve read, a lot of Americans believed him. This from a guy who published a book almost a decaded ago brazenly proclaiming the second coming of Christ would be on September 6, 1994. C’mon, wasn’t that enough for them to even question his credibility?

The other popular doomsday prediction is next year — December 21, 2012 to be exact. This one was came from the Mayans. I think it has something to do the with the moon, stars alignment and some numerological calculations. I’m not going to give my two cents on this matter because I’ve haven’t read yet on the specifics. I want to make an informed decision (that’s my left brain talking…. hehehe). But basing on my faith, I have doubts its Armageddon time.

With all these apocalyptic talk going on, it got me thinking. What if the world, as I know it, will end in my life time — let’s say next year. What if without any shadow of a doubt the Rapture is near. What if an angel appears to me and tells me the date when we will all meet our Maker (and to make it more dramatic, I am not allowed/barred to tell anyone of this)? What am I gonna do til the aforementioned d-day?

Will I quit my job so that I could check everything off my bucket list?

Encash all my investments, withdraw all my savings and don a hedonistic lifestyle —- do whatever I want without any regard for life, limb or property?

Get in touch with all of my long lost friends and relatives and have one last grand time with them?

Call all those who I have offended or have offended me — ask for their forgiveness and/or give them mine to patch things up & have closure?

Storm heaven with prayers so that He would postpone if not cancel the End of Times?

Bargain with God so that He could give me and everybody I love a free pass straight to heaven?

Or will I just continue living my life as it is right now?

So many questions. So many options. None of which I can confirm I will do or otherwise if this scenario indeed happens. And I sincerely hope this remains hypothetical.

Lost 4K and counting

Yup, you read it right. I’ve already lost 4K —- kilos, that is, from my weight. And by no means did that happen overnight. No, I did not get sick nor had an invasive procedure. I did it through the old fashion way — diet and exercise.

So far, these strategies have worked for me. I’ve already lost a significant number of pounds (in my opinion) and most importantly, I’ve kept them off. I still have a long way from acheiving my ideal shape but I’m getting (hopefully) there. =o)

I’m baaaaaaaack……..

Hiya! It’s been awhile since my last entry. Sorry about that. Been busy… living my life… hehehe… Not that there’s nothing to write about, just quite the opposite. But it ain’t for the public knowledge, so there. =oP

Busy…busy…busy…

Unfriend

I like to think (think being the operative word) I am a kind person to my friends and relatives. I always try to there for them. Whether they need a sympathetic ear, shoulder to cry on, advice regarding personal matters or just wanna have someone to hang out with. As for requests and in times of need, I even try to anticipate it — I give it to them (if possible) even before they ask.

So when the position are reversed and it’s my turn to ask for a favor, it saddens me and sometimes hurt when they turn me down for some flimsy excuse. Or even when they acquiesce but you know they are doing it with a heavy heart. Worse, is when they are just being nice to me because they need something from me (they give the term user-friendly a whole new different meaning).

But I can tolerate those. I do things for them not because I expect the same things in return. I do it because I want to.

But one thing I won’t stand for is when they hurl hurtful invectives at me like I’m someone without any feelings. When they trample on me like I’m some mat they can wipe their dirty shoes on. It is just not right. I don’t expect a lot but I do expect them to be at least decent to me — respect me. I won’t stand for verbal abuse — specially those without even an ounce of truth.

And when all things have been said and done, they don’t even have the decency to apologize. They act as if nothing happened and expect things to be as it was before. Yeah right, like that’s gonna happen. No, I won’t get even — I won’t stoop down to your level. I’ll let karma do the job. But you’re certaintly off my Christmas list and if I had a facebook account, the term “unfriend” comes to mind.

Natural Progression

First, I was into cooking my special viands.

Then came baking my sweet goodies.

Now it’s mixing cocktails and shooters.

Chef. Baker. Bartender.

What’s next? =o)

Just won’t

Order me and I won’t follow

Ask me and I won’t answer

Tell me and I won’t react

Just let me be and we’ll see….

Baker’s dozen

Oatmeal Cookies, Panna Cotta, Choco-chip Cookies, Chocolate Truffles, Butterscotch, Raisin Cookies, Mango Bars, Oreo Cheesecake, Cashew Cookies, Banana Muffin, Food for the Gods, Fudge Brownies, Revel Bars….

Apparently, I’m better in concocting these sinfully sweet goodies than cooking viands. At least with these foodies, I know when it’s edible enough to eat. hehehe…. No, I’m not gonna abandon cooking my special entrees but I love baking these morsels.

Since I finally mustered enough courage to share my creations to my friends (yes, some of them still can’t believe I did them), I’ve been getting better reviews to the point that they requested for orders. Sorry but baking for me is a stress buster (outlet). Accepting orders would just be putting pressure to it.

I’m eating one of my chocolate chip banana muffins while writing this. Want some? =o)

Chef Asereth

It’s official the cooking bug has bitten me again.

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been cooking for my family and whatnots during weekends. Nothing ostentatious but modesty aside quite scrumptious. So much so that apparently, now they expect me do it regularly. For someone who is undomesticated like me, I can’t help but be proud. =o)

But of course, our helper in the house assists me during my foray in the kitchen. She cleans up after me — you should the mess I make afterwards….hehehe.. But most importantly, she tells when my viand is already cooked. For the life of me, I really can’t tell when the meat, fish or veggies are already edible enough to eat. This part of the (cooking) science really eludes me. Toink!

Even though I’ve had my hits and misses, I do have my “bestsellers”. There’s my steamed asparagus wrapped in bacon (much requested); grilled steak (how can you go wrong with that?); parmesan-crusted dory (quoting my sister: “sarap papakin“); garlic tilapia (light but tasty); tuna pesto pasta (all-time fave) and my beef broccoli mushroom in oyster sauce (which is quite delectable if I do say so myself).

My mom has been prodding me to cook something mainstream like adobo or sinigang but where’s the fun in that? Instead, I’m taking up the challenge someone presented me: to cook —-something I cannot taste or eat — shrimp! (I’m allergic). Hmmm….. Do I cook nilasing na hipon, garlic buttered shrimp, chili shrimp or just plain tempura? Watyatink, Bubba?

If I were a boy…

A guy told me :

You’re different. For a girl, you tackle problems and issues like a man.

Was that an insult or a compliment? By off-chance that it was something positive on my personality, was he saying us girls handle our troubles ineptly? And if ever that was to be perceived in a negative light, was he implying that I’m a b?tch?

Hmmm…. 

it’s baaack….

A quantitative defeciency of the hemoglobin, often accompanied by a reduced number of red blood cells and causing pallor, weakness and breathlessness =o(

Rainbow Colors

Red and yellow and pink and green…. purple and orange and blue… I can see the rainbow, see the rainbow, see the rainbow too..

It’s election day and I’ve done my civic duty early this morning.

In the end, after much thought and weighing, I shaded the circle beside Gray’s name. I’ll still hate it with gusto if Black or Fuchsia becomes the next leader of our country but win or lose I still have to do what I think is right. And who knows, Gray might be a dark horse.

Stressed Out

My invites for the day :

• A wedding
• A baptism
• A birthday party
• A family gathering
• A night out

Guess how many I attended? None. Yup, you read it right  — nada, zero, zilch. No, I didn’t become a social recluse. I just had to prioritize. The whole morning I was asleep catching up on my ZZZzzzzzs…. The whole afternoon til later this evening I was in the office working. Crap. I’m such a loser. For past couple of weeks,  work has been hectic but manageable. Now, it is downright toxic and oh so stressful. Words like burnout, cloning and career change are now popping into my head. I wish I could rant my ass off here but my paranoia just won’t let me (who knows who might be reading this).

Gift

The best gifts I ever got were the ones when there was no occasion.

Thank you =o)

Blowout

Just treated my loved ones to a very special dinner —- grilled angus steak, steamed asparagus wrapped in bacon and creamy chicken noodle soup (sorry, no dessert, just fresh fruits). I know it doesn’t sound much but the “special” part is that… wait for it…. I cooked it! (take that, Cat Cora) Yup, little old domestically challenged me just cooked a full meal and it was a resounding success! I can still hear the burps of contentment and remember the belly patting that followed afterwards.

l\/l()\/ll\l9()l\l

…

gLee

Taking Chances

Sweet Caroline

Defying Gravity

Unnatural

If your spouse died, you’re either called a widow or widower.
If both your parents died, you are called an orphan.
But what if the parents outlived their son or daughter, what do you call them? I honestly don’t know. To the best of my knowledge, there is no such word. Why? Maybe because it is not the proper order of things, it is just not natural… or maybe it is just too horrible to fathom.

My sincerest condolences. I can only imagine what you are feeling right now. My heart goes out to you….

Lie to Me

I watch it to hone my bullsh?t radar, you watch it to sharpen your forked tongue.

Berries

I don’t like them, specially the black ones. Gets?

I am half-wishing this project wouldn’t fly. Just the POC (proof of concept) itself is making me grouchy. I hate being the guinea pig. Couldn’t even get any help from Corporate because they haven’t even implemented one yet. With thirty-three hundred dbs in production, what’s up with that?!? Haay….

Things may prove to be difficult and tricky right now but I know it will ease up eventually. As the saying goes — what doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger  go insane instead… hehehe… joke! =oP

rdj

Holmes, does your depravity know no bounds?

I’m so crushing on Robert Downey Jr right now! He’s irreverent, witty, cocky and yet oh so charming. I can’t wait to watch him play Iron Man again. He just puts the right kind of spin on the characters that he plays to the point that he owns it!

I have successfully privatized world peace!

Okay, okay, I know his personal life leaves a lot to be desired. But up on that big screen, it’s all gravy.
 

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Des’ree

Life

Fire

You Gotta Be

Fashion Trends

Dead is the new unambiguous.
Bipolar is the new undecided.
Heavily armed is the new born again.
Bald is the new head… and the new crotch.
Hairy is the new face.
Sheepishly admitting to having an STD is the new flirting.
Purell is the new face of fear.
Finding the time that’s right for you is the new impotence.
The smiley-face emoticon is the new “sincerely yours.”
Smoking is the new outdoorsy lifestyle.
Looking forward to insanely expensive private schooling, thousand dollar a week nannies and soccer is the new yuppie birth control.
Misinformed is the new patriotic.
Veganism is the new “tastes like chicken.”
Serotonin uptake inhibiting is the new crowd control.
Texting is the new talking.
Talking is the new singing.
Singing is the new hubris.
Gay marriage is the new “be careful what you wish for.”
And finally, and only because I really need this to catch on, fifty-seven years old is the new forty-five.

- One of Chuck Lorre’s Vanity Cards

So witty and hilarious =o) 

i<3u

A fervent prayer

Dear Lord, we fervently pray for your intercession so that our nation will be spared from another threatening typhoon . Our suffering people have not recoverd from Ondoy’s wrath. Pls prevent typhoon Pepeng from hitting any of our islands. Save us from further calamities by embracing our country with ur protective grace and merciful blessings.*

*got this from a forwarded text message… I believe in miracles… Please pray

Period

A tiny round mark made by or as if by a pointed instrument.

A period. A dot. A point. Such very small speck but oh so important.

A dot is the basic unit of composition of an image when we print our text or graphics on paper. The dots determine how fine or clear the print out would be (or for a more technical term : the resolution). So dots are very important in printing. Without it, there would be no hardcopies or print outs.

A point, a decimal point to be precise is used to separate the whole or integral part from the fractional part of decimal number. Without it, it would be quite hard to distinguish the real value of a number. If you misplace the decimal point, a number would have an entirely different value. For example, 654.32 is very different from 65.432.

A period is used to indicate an abbreviation. It is also a punctuation mark indicating a full stop, placed at the end of declarative sentences. Without periods, everything would be run-on sentences. Nothing would denote a single complete thought. Everything would be jumbled up, utter chaos in the paragraph.

On a different paradigm, what if you missed your period? Your monthly period, that is. I don’t know whether to offer my congratulations or commiseration…….

sHE beLIEveS

need i say more?

No sometimes means Yes

you’re a bit curious even when you say you’re not interested
you’re slightly pissed off though you deny you’re mad
you say it’s OK but you’re not
you do care enough although you utter ‘whatever’
you’re a tad hurt while you try to act nonchalant
you say ‘no’ but you really mean ‘yes’

It’s hard work deciphering you but i’m beginning to understand…

the door

a door — closed, under lock and key
leading to uncharted territories
exciting yet full of uncertainties
do i dare open it?
or is it better left alone?
always wondering where it may lead to
my shangrila or downfall….
a part of me wants to take a peek
to satisfy my curiosity
but we all know what happened to the cat
logic dictates to leave it locked
and throw away the key
i want to? yes. need to? no.
don’t judge me here
am just being honest

i won’t open the door — for now
but i’ll keep the key with me
so i’ll always have the option
to tempt fate or give in to my destiny.

Negative Traits

lazy, makulet, paranoid, maarte, talkative, stubborn, opinionated, self-righteous, full of pride, disorganized, thinks too much, childish ways, moody, spendthrift, self-indulgent, sore loser, vindictive, sigurista, impatient, petty, sutil, presumptuous

Care to add to the list? Hehehe… =oP

love quotes from tumblr.

• Think how different it would be if you never met the one person who changed everything
• Kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can’t hold back
• And if you can’t say yes, answer anyway. Because I’d rather live with the answer than die with the question
• You are everything I have always dreamed of but never woke up to
• You never really stop loving someone, you just learn to live without them
• Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go
• I always fall for someone who is so out of reach, but still close enough to make it hurt.
• I don’t like to daydream anymore because reality is so much better.
• Love is giving someone the power to hurt and trusting them not to.
• Don’t let the imaginary person in your head keep you from loving the real one in front of you

Note: One of the quotes above is an original from yours truly. Your guess is as good as how well you know me. I’m sooo sappy. =oP  

100

I’m not really into Filipino independent films because I find them too garrish and has an in-your-face presentation of the harsh realities of life. But a couple of friends decided to watch the indie film entitled 100 and since I didn’t want to be a party pooper, I just went with the flow. I didn’t know anything about the film, had no inkling whatsoever. I was so disinterested and just prepared myself to endure the next couple of hours that I didn’t even read the synopsis at the back of the dvd case.

I purposely didn’t give away any detailed info (read: no spoilers) about the movie because I recommend watching the film. =o)

Just an update

Sorry, been busy with tumblr. So far, I’m proud to note that I’ve been posting an original quote since I started it which was more than a month ago. But I don’t know how long I can keep it up. No, the problem’s not the churning of quotes. I have a well of a mind for my reserves. It’s presentation of the quotes that’s weighing me down. It’s hard finding the right pix that would go with the quote, not to mention the layout. I know it isn’t exactly rocket science and my designs are quite simple at best but I don’t have a lot of time on my hands right now. Been busy with a lot of things. But posting these words from my head proves to be quite cathartic.

On a different note, just got back from a short vacay with some friends and what-nots. Had a great time. We stayed at a kinda expensive but fab place. It wasn’t hoity-toity but it was plush and romantic. It was a perfect “get-away” place not so far from the city. We ate, shopped, lounged, swam, bonded, got pampered and took lotsa pix —- basically we lived the “hedonistic” life… hehehe… =oP

Free Ride

I think a made an impression to one of the cab drivers who brings me home from the office late at night or in the wee hours in the morning. What kind of impression? I don’t know exactly but it was probably something positive. I’ve ridden on his vehicle quite a number of times.  And the last 2 times, he didn’t accept my payment no matter how I tried to insist. (I don’t want to sound like an elitist here but) I know he needs the money more than I do but he just waived it off. Nice, no? Wait, wait, wait, before anyone thinks he has an ulterior motive, I beg to differ. Oh, sometimes he makes small talk but only for a few minutes then he’d just continue driving in silence. He just does that to acknowledge me. And he hasn’t done anything that would make feel uncomfortable (except for showing me such kindness), he hasn’t even asked for my name or anything personal. Note to self, add him to my Christmas list. Ngek, I don’t know his name.

I am sorry…

Three simple words yet so hard to say. Why? Because you are admitting you made a mistake and no one likes to be proven wrong. You have to eat the humble pie. There might be also repercussions in admitting your mistake.

But for someone like me who could do better by eating her “pride”-chicken every now and then, apologizing is not an easy task but I’m getting there (read: work in progress). So when I do so, you could be assured of its sincerity. I apologize not because I need to but because I want to. You cannot coerce me to apologize if I really don’t feel like it.

Me lovee Tumblr.

I have a multiply and livejournal account.

Yup, you read it right, I confess, I do have multiply and livejournal accounts. But before you start saying I’m holding out or I have changed spots, let me state for the record that these are just dummy accounts. I only created them so I could read the private blogs of friends and whatnots. If you would go to my pages all you’d see is a blank wall.

But tumblr is an entirely different story.

My cat lovin’ friend introduced me to it cause she knows I love quotes. And upon sampling it, I was hooked. I just lost myself for hours browsing through the different blogs. It had nice pictures and even better quotes. What more could I ask for? At first I was contented with just reading the quotes and admiring the pix but eventually I opened my own account.  Right now, I’m posting a quote once a day. Nothing fancy but at least it’s my original*. A few of the pictures are from my personal collection though majority I filched from the ‘net. =oP

Should you have the time and inclination, the link is in the More of Me portion. And no worries, I’m still keeping this blog alive coz I have grown to love it, too. =o)

He’s just not that into you

If you need a great dose (or a splash) of reality….

A-typical

“You have type A personality.”

Whaaaaat?!!!!  You surely must be jesting. C’mon… Me, a type A? That couldn’t be more farther from the truth. I consider myself quite relaxed and laidback.

It’s a good thing the person who said that was my physician else that conversation would have ended in a debate. In fairness, the good doctor doesn’t know me well enough to say such statement. He only said that from what he observed during my confinement*. Well, it didn’t help that every time he did his rounds, I was tinkering with my laptop or I was on the phone talking to someone from the office. And being cooped up in my room for several days wondering what the hell’s wrong with me didn’t help my disposition either.

*Yes, I was hospitalized but I’m ok now, I think. Still don’t know what caused the bleeding (where is House when you need him?) but I’m fine. To all those who wished me well and helped me one way or the other, thanks! To those who respected my privacy, plus 10000 points on your emotional back account. To those who are still TK (tampong kulangot) at me coz I didn’t tell them I was sick, sorry na…… please, pretty, pretty please. I admit, double standards. I worry about others but I don‘t like other people worrying about me. Bygones?

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Top three lies I heard* last month:

• This is not gonna hurt
• I’m sorry
• I love you

*before someone gets grilled by the inquisition, let me state that heard is the operative word. it doesn’t necessarily mean it was said to me.

Afterthought: How do you rebuke someone who is caught lying when the person openly admits that (s)he’s a pathological liar?

Binary

1010101110110111101110111010110110111011110111110101011011011101
1110110011101100001011001110111011101100011010101110101101110101
0111011011110111110101010111101100111011111010101101101101001101
0011110110000101010111010110111011001110110110101110011011101111
0110011101100001011001110111011101100011010101110101101110101000
1011011110111011101100011101001111011000010101011110101101101110
1110111110101100111011011010100101101110111101100011011000010101
0111011011110110110101100011011100011010100010110110101100111011
0011110111011101010011011101110101101110111101101110111101010111
0110111101110111101011011011111010110011101110111101111101011000
1101111001101010111011011010110011101110111101101101010110111011
1100101101101010101010110110101111001011101110111100110110110101
1000110101011101100001101010111010100010110000110101111101111101
0101101101010111010110111011110110111011101110011011000010101101
1011101111010101110110111101101101010110111011111010110001101111
0011011111010111001101010111011101110101101110101011101101111011
011010101101

Poked, Prodded and Pricked

 
<sniff>, <sniff>, <sniff>….. I so need to get off my pity pot right now =o(

Sarcastic Quotes

For the past weeks, I’ve become fascinated with sarcastic/mean quotes. I don’t know why…. well, a friend has an inkling as to the reasons why but I don’t want to dwell on that. =oP

As expected, these negative vibes had bad effects on me. Can you say wicked? hehehe…. So to purge it, I’m posting these quotes so I can just get it out of my system.

• I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.
• You’re surely depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
• I’d insult your intelligence but you wouldn’t get it
• I’m not a tease, Im just a reminder of what you can’t have
• Heaven won’t have me and hell’s afraid I’ll take over
• I am not a player, I’m the game
• My door is always open so feel free to leave
• The brain of a stupid person has two sides: the left where there is nothing right, and the right where there is nothing left.
• Everybody wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die

Undecided

Live for the moment
Regret it in the future
Dilly dally your response
And the moment’s gone

Follow your heart
Or heed your head
So torn apart
When they are conflicted

You know what to do
You just don’t want to
Cause it’s just too steep a price
But someone whispers to you otherwise

You’ve got just one life to live
So make the most of it
For you might not pass this way again
And you’ll forever wonder what might’ve been

p.s. this poem was written while listening to JM’s song “Prettiest Friend”. ♥

JM too

If It Kills Me (acoustic version)

A Beautiful Mess

You and I Both

 P.S. Anybody willing to lend me a copy of their Watchmen comic book? Okay, okay, graphic novel…. =oP

A Review

From the Supernatural series, Jensen Ackles’ lip-sync renditon of Eye of the Tiger
(a gag reel)

Funny, A-musing, Cool….. and at the same time HOT! =o)

link to the video

History repeats itself

…. again

…. and again

…. yet again

different times, different actors, different plots, same outcome

It’s taking its toll. =o(

Cheese, anyone?

Got this from a text :

It’s hard to pretend to still love someone when you know you already lost the magic. But it’s much harder to convince yourself that you don’t love someone when you know you’re just lying to yourself.

Gawd, that sure goes well with red wine. Valentine’s Day is sure coming up. =oP

mindless prattle

Hebrews 3:15

Do I really have to? <grumble> <grumble> <grumble>

I know I’m acting like a petulant child here. But why does the readings/sermon in the mass always touches a nerve I’m currently grappling about? It always tells me to do the right thing I really, really as in REALLY don’t want to do. I think I’m channeling Jonah here. =o(

Of needs and wants

I recently had a conversation with a friend about wants and needs. He said he always gets what he needs and not what he wants. And this is making him sad because he only gets the basics and not what he really desires.

That got me thinking — is that really such a bad thing? Getting only what you need instead of what you want. A need is essential while a want is a nice to have. In a perfect world, what we need should be enough. But we know it ain’t so. We don’t  always get what we want, we just make do with what we have.

In a different paradigm, let’s say we take out what he has from his possessions, would what he wanted then lose its luster because he doesn’t have what he needs? Would what he had then become what he wants now? Or would he still want what he wants and just forego what he needs? Irrational but probable.

Let’s change some of the variables. What if we replace what he has with what he wants, surely that would make him happy. But for how long? What if  it doesn’t live up to his expectations? To the hype he built in his mind. What if it proves to be more trouble than its worth? Would he now prefer what he had or would he altogether look for something new? This is getting more confusing by the minute.

Anyway, here’s my take on the matter. Man by nature is never satisfied. He always wants more than what he has. Not that it is a bad thing. It is because of this insatiability we have this little thing called progress. But as a general rule, a need is more important than a want. Going after what you want is good as long as it doesn’t compromise or creates a conflict with what you need. If it does, I guess it’s best that you drop it else peace of mind would be added to your list of needs and wants.

If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad.
If it makes you happy then why the hell are you so sad?

Crush

His by David Archuleta

Hers by Jennifer Paige

Same title, different lyrics

Someone’s bound to get hurt

Creep

At times we can’t tell the whole truth to our closest friends/relatives but how come we can tell it to a total stranger?

Sometimes the people I know are very comfortable with me that they tell me anything and everything— their secrets, struggles, thoughts and desires. They have their reasons I suppose. And I can understand the need to have an outlet.  But when a total stranger tell me theirs, it really makes me wonder. And it’s not the first time this has happened to me (i guess i give off a certain vibe or it’s just my luck). But this is the first time it sent chills up my spine.

Someone chatted me up during my commute in a public transportation. I thought he was just making small talk to pass time (traffic was heavy then). Later on, he got to talking about his life & problems. I just politely listened giving appropriate responses every now and then. He later revealed that he wished that the plane his wife is flying in would crash and she’d be killed. He said that scenario would solve a chunk of his problems. He said it quite off-handedly that I knew he wasn’t kidding.

My head reeled from what he said. Does he even know the gravity of what he saying? Or how his statements would transcend to the person he was talking to — meaning me? Or was he just unconsciously voicing out his own private thoughts? Still, how do you react to that? To say that I was speechless was an understatement. After a very long awkward silence, he said his stop is coming up. He thanked me for listening and said “sana magkasabay uli tayo sa shuttle.” Not if I see you first. He really gave me the willies. What a creep.

Quotes Galore

• Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed, maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.
• Never let someone be a priority in your life when you are just an option in theirs
• One step backward does not mean you are defeated, it just means that  you need to take a step forward again but this time wiser.
• Forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me.
• Give me uncouth honesty and blatant transparency any day over apathetically polite, yet less than honest civility that borders on being superficial, phony, and hypocritical.
• Patience is not the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.
• Are you doing what you’re doing today because you want to do it or because you were doing it yesterday?
• Having something halfway is much more difficult than not having it at all.
• Thou art to me a delicious torment.

TS

•

White Horse
Should’ve Said No
Picture to Burn

• 

 If it’s taking all your strength…
If it’s killing your heart…
If it’s making you bear too much pain…
If it’s making you ignore everything else…
Just make sure it’s worth it…
Otherwise… let it go…

Something’s amiss

They say what you don’t know you can’t miss. Probably true…. in some instances. Like if you haven’t gone skiing, you can’t say you miss skiing because you haven’t really done it so what’s there to miss? But here comes the clincher — “miss” is the operative word. To miss is to feel the absence of an object. What does missing really entail? In this context, for me, it’s to have done or have something and wish you could do or have it again. But what if you haven’t done it or never had it in the first place but are thinking about it every so often. What’s the word for that? Obsessed? Too strong. Pine? Sounds pathetic. Yearn? Probably. Crave? I don’t know.

I’m allergic to seafood. For all the years I’ve spent here on Earth, I’ve honestly never eaten lobster, crab or prawn. When I divulge this information to people, they all say it is sooooo delicious and not having tasted them means that I’m missing half my life. My usual retort is if I eat them, I will miss my whole life since it would probably kill me. But that always gets me thinking… What does it really taste like? Is it really that delicious so as to say I’m really missing (there’s that word again) out a big chunk of my life? Is it more scrumptious than a juicy steak? More delectable than my sinfully sweet chocolates? Would I trade it for lechon? Haaayy………. All this speculation is eating me up (pun intended). =oP

I guess I’ll never know the answers to my questions….. for now….. Who knows, maybe in the future (when I’m ready to take the risk or my sanity has taken a temporary leave of absence) I’ll get to taste it. I’ll just have my meds and/or adrenaline shot ready. As they say, life’s too short to be missing, obsessing, yearning, craving or pining for something (or someone) and not do anything about it.

Perception

While perception is important….

A pessimist, they say, sees a glass of water as being half-empty; an
optimist sees the same glass as half-full.

…..what you do with what you perceive to be true is what matters the most.

But a kind person just sees a glass of water and offers it to a person who is thirsty.

p.s. the people in my profession would see that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. then proceeds to either fill up the glass to the brim with water so as not waste resource or transfer the water to another container where it would be an exact fit. =oP

Naming Convention

Many of my friends give names to their gadgets — whether it be a cell phone, pda, blackberry, ipod, wii, psp, laptops, hdtv, cam, and other techie thingamajigs. I thought this habit was only localized to cars. Guys have this thing for naming their ride with a girl’s name as if they have another girlfriend/wife (they pamper them, too).

Apparently, this practice has already branched out to other stuff. Not that I have something against those people who have this inclination. I guess it’s just not for me. I just want inanimate objects to remain, well, nameless. For me, giving a moniker to my worldly possessions seems like I’m humanizing them. Like I’m giving them more value than what they are actually worth. And when the time comes that they have outlived their usefulness, or are damaged/destroyed, or just plain misplaced/lost them, that would really sadden me —not only for lost monetary value but also for the added sentimental value for naming them. You see, I get attached too easily. I’m a pack rat and have a hard time letting go of things. Moreso on pets. Don’t let me get started when it comes to people.

So for the sake of my-oh-so-fragile heart (the drama queen is on the rise), I hereby decree that all (just a handful, actually) my gizmos be devoid of any proper noun. And to anybody who says otherwise — do you really wanna cause me unnecessary future grief? 

Rainbow Connection

Why are there so many songs about rainbows? And what’s on the other side? Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we’ve been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they’re wrong, wait and see.
Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard
and answered when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it’s done so far.
What’s so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell. We know that it’s probably magic.

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I’ve heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I’ve heard it too many times to ignore it.
It’s something that I’m supposed to be.
Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

2008

It was everything but boring! Dull it wasn’t.

Not that I’m saying it was all good. Some were baaad.

But all in all, life was very interesting. I wonder what 2009 has to offer.

Happy New Year! Mwah!

Y’all be safe.

note : for those in the know, the irony is in the gif. hehehe… =oP

What’s your poison?

Drink. Drank. Drunk.

Good, Better, Best

They were good…..

But we were better.

Correction.

We are the best!!!!

Congratulations to you guys! You were great!!!

You definitely deserved to win.

I’m so proud of you guys! Sweeping all the awards.

My hat’s off to you…

CM

☆

On the side of me

Shelter

Scars 

☆

Cruelty

Children can be cruel because they don’t know better.

Teenagers can be cruel because of their self-esteem problems.

But you’re an adult, what’s your excuse?

Weather Report

Hurricane Emotional is still in the area of responsibility. Normally, low pressure describes a typhoon but this one is unique — it has a lot of high pressures coming from all sides.

Numerous thunderstorms are still being experienced that produce gusty anger winds and/or flooding tears rains. So it would be best to take all necessary precautions.

This tropical depression is wreaking havoc everywhere. Hopefully, it is not powerful enough to produce tidal waves or spawning tornadoes.

If you are in the eye of the storm, please do not be deceived by the clear skies and light winds. The storm is not yet over —- for after the calm comes the torrent rains.

With a bit of luck and a lot of prayers, the thick gray clouds will be gone before Christmas  and the sun will shine again.

Dress Down

If you see me wearing a dress one of these days, please don’t laugh. No, I haven’t changed my spots nor am I trying to be someone I’m not. I’m just someone who has the misfortune of having palabra de honor. Kainis!

You see, I made a bet with someone. Since I don’t bet with money, I usually bet with a deed. The stake was should I lose I have to wear a dress, not a skirt and blouse, but a girly dress. I normally balk at this steep a wager but since I thought this was a sure win (and against my better judgment), I took it. But fate had other plans. I lost. How was I to know the person I put my faith (and dignity) into would have performance anxiety and choke?! Hence my dilemna.

I already tried sweet talking my way out of this but to no avail. I tried haggling (with a different “punishment”) but this person is steadfast in me holding up to my end of the bargain. I know I could use blackmail. Believe me when I say I got a lot of ammos but that’s not my style. But I am sooooo tempted to use it right now.

I really don’t get it. What’s the fascination with me wearing a dress? So they could see my deathly pale legs, as if shorts wouldn’t do the same trick. So that I would act ladylike (wearing a dress/skirt has that effect on me) and not my usual rowdy self? Or they just want me to be out of my comfort zone and be self-conscious? Or they just wanna have some good old fun at my expense? =oP

Whatever the reasons may be, I still have til the end of year to do it….. or wiggle my way out of it. Brain or lady luck, don’t fail me now.

GIF

They say a picture paints a thousand words.

I wonder how much an animated gif goes for.

Personal Space

Feigned Innocence? Absence of Malice? Or just plain Dense?

Whatever it is, please stop invading my personal space. 

Opposite of Fast

Had a lengthy conversation with a friend yesterday. Nothing special. As I was about to sleep, I was replaying it in my mind. I had a feeling something was amiss. Like there was something staring me at the face but couldn’t quite figure it out. While trying to put the pieces together I went to dreamland.

As I was sleeping, my subconscious was able to do what my conscious mind couldn’t —- put the puzzle together. The image that formed was quite disturbing that it woke me up. Talk about being slow. I could just berate myself. How could have I been so stupid? I should have been able to pick up the subtle nuances. The signs were there. For someone who prides herself as being a keen observer, I could be so obtuse at times. And now I am paying the price. My mind won’t let me go back to my sweet slumber because it’s busy trying to recall the things I said and how I reacted during the conversation.

Did the person I was talking to knew I didn’t get it then or did that person assume that I understood everything but refused to acknowledge it? Had I known what I know now, would that conversation ended the way it did? Would it have taken a different turn? I guess I’ll never know because yours truly, this person I call me is such a totally self-absorbed numskull. <toink>

JM

♥ 

Broken Strings

Save Yourself

Nothing Ever Hurt Like You

♥

It’s Complicated

Just like humility, once you think you got it — you just lost it.

Wish I could expound but it seems more prudent if I don’t.

Double Entry

This is not the entry I started to write. I was writing an entry about something else. Then I had a deja vu feeling. Like I’ve done this before. Still continued writing but couldn’t shake off the feeling. So I decided to search my blog on the topic. And guess what? I found an entry almost the same as the one I was writing about. I even used some of the same sentences (in verbatim, mind you). Arrghh!!! This only means one thing. As they say, if you keep repeating the same mistake, you haven’t learned your lesson. I guess I haven’t. Anybody care to slam my head against the wall? Just in case it might knock some senses on my pretty little head. =o(

BarCode

Lyrics and the Beat

Music either soothes the soul, stirs the spirit or pierces the heart

Of preference, arguments and beliefs

I am my own person. I have no need to be different from everybody else for I am already unique just like everyone. Such irony…..

That being said, however, I have a need to conform — to connect with other people. No, it’s not peer pressure rather it’s the need to belong. As they say, no man is an island. There is a sense of comfort and security when you know you fit in. But if there is a conflict between the need to measure up versus the need to be natural, I will always choose to be me. I have my own likes, dislikes, wants, needs, etc. These are the things that I inherently have a right to have a preference of whether right or wrong. And I will fully exercise that right — the right to be me. Like my favorite flavor is chocolate. Nobody and but nobody can tell me that is wrong. That’s mine. There might be a lot of better (or healthier) flavors out there but that is my fave. And nobody can dictate to me otherwise. I think this is where my total aversion for people shoving their opinions down my throat stems from.

Believe it or not, I love a good argument. Some of the most fascinating conversations I had started from an argument. Chats would be quite boring if everybody agreed with everyone else — no exchange of ideas, no stimulation of the brain and no afterthoughts. But let me categorically state that arguments are different from fights. I hate fighting. Arguments are discussions based on facts while fighting is a personal attack. In arguments, all sides could amicably agree to disagree on certain points. It’s when people try to forcibly change the other person’s opinion that changes an argument into a fight.

A person has the right to change his mind. When you are arguing then you suddenly realize that the other party is correct in a certain aspect, you could concede to that. The key word here is to realize — it would dawn on you. Nobody imposed or coerced you into thinking that way. It was by your own volition that you changed your mind. That would be a good ending for an argument.

Believing is different from adapting to an opinion. Like a person could argue his side well but for the other person to take action by adapting that opinion is entirely a different matter. An example is you could prove that smoking is bad for one’s health and nobody can contest that. But for a smoker to adapt to that opinion by not anymore smoking because of the facts presented is highly unlikely. He believes that smoking is bad for his health but for him to stop smoking just because of it is altogether a difference case. Forcing him to stop smoking, I assure you, would lead to a very huge fight. People don’t change their ways because your argument is sound. Again, the resolution must come from within. Believing something theoretically doesn’t guarantee that it would transcend into action. Some people change their ways because they have seen the light, others only when they feel the heat.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is don’t force your opinion on other people and I do mean adults. Your intention or heart may be in the right place but still they are entitled to their own. Their beliefs and/or actions may be wrong, but it is still their lives to live. You can remind them but ultimately it is still their decision to make. Remember your New Year’s resolutions? How many have you actually done or crossed off the list? Isn’t it hard to change oneself? What more trying to change other people? I guess it boils down to respect — respecting other people’s beliefs, rights and idiosyncrasies. You don’t have to agree with what they are doing but respecting that they have a right to that action or adhering to a preference is a start. =o)

Misinterpreted

I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said but I’m not sure you realized that what you heard is not what I meant. Paint all you want but I’m not that mean a person.

The Secret Dance

I know you notice it. I have an inkling you know about it or something about it. And I really appreciate the fact that you are pretending that you know nothing of it. I know you must be dying to talk and I’m really thankful that you aren’t. Once or twice, my guard may have slipped and you rescued me from myself; or the time when we were alone, you just let my boo-boo slide. I can’t say thanks cause you are not supposed to be in the know but we both know you know and I’m also pretending I don’t know you know.

Sometimes I just want to grab the bull by its horns and confront you that you know something so that it would be out in the open and we’ll stop playing this secret dance. But I’m afraid you might just keep on pretending that you know nothing. What if you are contented with the status quo? But the bigger question is what if I’m giving you too much credit about knowing something but in reality, you really know nothing and everything is just one big coincidence? I would have then let the cat out of the bag. And that is a chance I’m not willing to take. The person concerned might kill me.

But what if in the future you eventually find out about it and worse, also know that I knew and didn’t tell you? What would you think of me? If that happens, would you resent me? I hope you would understand that I couldn’t tell you. It wasn’t mine to tell and I have to respect that.

But what if you really know now and we are indeed dancing around it. Don’t you find it tiring? And what if by twist of fate we do get to confirm that we both know the same thing? Is it right for us to talk about it? What if talking about it just leaves more unanswered questions? What if your knowledge is purely conjecture? That you were just baiting me so that you could confirm the matter? What if you only know 20% of it while I substantially know more about it? What if our knowledge of the matter doesn’t coincide? Who gets to say that their information is reliable or the other bogus?

So many questions, I wonder if they will ever be answered. Or do I really want them answered? Pondering about this makes me think of the quote:  Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies….

Tossing and Turning

It’s official. I’m an insomniac. I still love to sleep though. It’s just that the sandman is now always late in visiting me. I can still remember eons ago when I used share a room with my sister, she said that I’m already asleep before my head even touches the pillow… hehehehe. Some people needed to be lulled to sleep but not me. When I decide to sleep, snap and I’m out cold — just like a light switch =oP.

But it’s a different case nowadays. It takes awhile for me to sleep — a very long while. I don’t know why. My mom used to say that she knows if I’m wrestling with a personal issue cause I’d still be awake in the wee hours of the morning thinking about it. But I don’t have a problem right now. Wait, let me qualify that. I have problems, as with any other person, but nothing big that won’t let my mind rest. Or maybe I don’t know I have a problem or maybe I’m in denial of having one?  Am I still making some sense here? Sheesh, I really need to sleep. =o(

Someone told me before, that if you can’t sleep (or are restless) for no apparent reason, someone is thinking of you. Just in case that’s true, here’s my message for you : Hey you, whoever you are, if you don’t want to sleep, fine, that’s your business but please leave me out of it (read : kung ayaw mo matulog, magpatulog ka). I’m so sleep deprived that I can’t think straight —- I’m taking pot shots at a person who doesn’t exist and I’m blaming folklore for my sleeping disorder. =o(

The most logical explanation I can think of right now is that my work has screwed up my sleeping habits. I’m so used to be being alert late in the night these past months (because I’m dealing with people who are in a different time zone and of course, there’s the occasional night-outs & marathon telebabads) that it now takes a moment or a couple of hours for the edge to come off.

I better solve this problem quick else this blog might change it’s name from Asereth’s Musings to the Rants of a Raving Insomniac. =oP

Words <> Actions

What you do screams so loud, I cannot hear what you are saying.